I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
