so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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