if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
