Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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