Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My pussy is not your playground.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
