It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
