I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
