I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
