Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
