please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
FUCK WHALES
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
