I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
