How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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