That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
