I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
