remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
