I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
