I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just shotgunned beers for America
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize