remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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