First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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