Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My cat gives me a boner
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
