oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
