It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
