I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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