P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize