Swine flu. Run for my life!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize