Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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