I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
