i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
