I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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