I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
