I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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