drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
