so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
