Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
