you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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