He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have aggressive nipples.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
