This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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