shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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