Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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