Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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