12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
