You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
