Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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