i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
