Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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