where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
how does that bad decision feel?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
