just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
