I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
