don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
