not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
