She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
