fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize