if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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