Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
