It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
