I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
