I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
