Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
