i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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