So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
