Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
