You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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