I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
