Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
