she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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