THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize