see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
