the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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