I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
