i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
