I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
