As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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