Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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