I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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