the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
