I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
