I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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