There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
